Retaliation of the food variety

I think my food is starting to fight back.

No, I don't see my cauliflower sprouting legs and arms and throwing the carrots at my head. My baked chicken isn't suddenly coming back to life and chasing me into the living room.

But I have received a series of injuries -- minor injuries, but injuries all the same -- over the past week that were all due to my consumption of food or beverage.

On Wednesday, while working from home because of snow, I tried to crack open a walnut and the shell sliced my thumb. On Thursday I was reaching into the freezer and an ice cube (yes, an ice cube) pierced my index finger.On Friday I was eating a chip with lunch and a corner stabbed my gumline. And just today, a too-warm cup of coffee burned the tip of my tongue and the roof of my mouth.

What gives?

It could be that for the majority of my life I've had to "battle with my weight." I was only what I would call "very heavy" in the latter years of my marriage but I've never been uber-thin. So I've fought the food battle -- keep an eye on the amount of fried foods I ate, fortunately I've always loved fresh veggies. My weakness for chocolate was offset by my love of salad. I gave up doughnuts and pie and cake and other sinful delicacies long ago.

But now I wonder if the food is starting to fight back.

"C'mon," I can hear it saying, "just one bite. We won't hurt you. You'll like us, we promise."

Yeah, right.

Where do I find self-defense classes to protect me from attack food?