Dating Suggestions

I don't pretend to believe I'm a dating pro -- good Lord, far from it. Finding myself back on the "dating scene" after 12 years of marriage and then a tumultuous three-year relationship was really kind of frightening.

But I have been out there long enough, and been on enough near-disastrous dates, to know there are some things that we all need to keep in mind when getting out there again. Most of these are going to seem as though they're slanted toward the men, although I have been my own worst critic of late so there are some hints for us ladies, too.

1. Quit the lying and lame lines. "I'll call you tomorrow" didn't go over well in our 20s, and it's even more pathetic now that we've seemingly been through a marriage and raised or are raising kids of our own. Grow up.
2. It is perfectly fine to say, "I had a nice time" and leave it at that. Following up with "I'd like to do it again" when, in fact, you'd rather have teeth pulled or watch golf on a television with no sound and poor reception is, like No. 1, lame and pathetic.
3. If you are on a blind or first-time date with someone you've met online or in some other venue and you see it's not going well, I don't see anything wrong with saying, "You know, I think this could be a better friendship than romantic relationship." You might even feel comfortable asking -- or offering -- to split the bill (this IS the 21st century, after all). Asking to extend the date and go to a movie ONLY to pretend to have no cash so the date will pay is just wrong. (Yes, that's experience talking. )
4. Don't sell yourself short. If you ARE meeting someone from an online venue, don't put negative images in his or her head before you even meet. Saying "I'm not a Barbie" and following up with how nervous you are because you're not a size 6, or guys saying, "I haven't been to the gym in a while" and then talking about how thin you used to be only sets yourself up for failure. NO, the person on the other end of the line isn't going to be "pleasantly surprised" -- they're going to come in to the date viewing you in a negative way rather than open to what you really are.
4b. You also come off sounding whiny and insecure, and no one finds that attractive (again, yes, experience talking here.)
5. Confidence is sexy. Not to be confused with arrogance, confidence is the state of mind that allows you to be comfortable in your own skin and with what you have to bring to the table. You're not a size 6 or a model from GQ? So what! Are you charming, interesting, funny, intelligent and easy to talk to? That's a much better offering, in my book.